Apocalyptathon: Keith Melton Walks With the Dead
Welcome Keith Melton who is here to talk about The Walking Dead!
Fire, Ice, and Zombies, Oh My!
Ah, zombies. Remember that Robert Frost poem—the one that contains the lines: “Some say the world will end in fire/Some say in ice”? I always secretly believed he missed an opportunity to include the line: “And yet other people wager the world will end in zombies.” Yeah, the meter’s off and it dilutes the one-two punch of the original, but still, zombies. Alas, there just isn’t much zombie poetry floating around in the canon of classics.
Honestly, who doesn’t love a good post apocalyptic story featuring our former friends and neighbors shambling around trying to eat us? Which leads me to my reason for being here—I was invited to talk about The Walking Dead, the TV series, not the comic book, though I’m dying to get my hands on the comic series. (Get it? Dying? Where’s the Insert Laugh Track Button around here, because that’s about as complex as the humor in my guest post ever achieves, so feel free to leave a comment chastising the Moira Rogers team for letting the comedy-impaired barbarians through the gate.)
In The Walking Dead TV series we completely miss the collapse and breakdown of society as it’s overrun by zombie hordes. Why? Because the main character is in a coma and sleeps through the whole thing, exactly like Rip Van Winkle as told by George Romero. Unfortunately, the chaos and breakdown of society are some of my favorite things to watch in these kinds of movies/shows so I harbor a wee bit of disappointed for its lack. Also, this device reminded me too much of the set up to 28 Days Later. Then again, this is supposed to be about Post Apocalyptic scenarios, not the actual Apocalypse, so I’ll valiantly contain my whining about not being able to see zombies shuffling around like flesh-eating, humor-impaired lemmings run amok.
The zombies in this show look great. As much as I might love the original Dawn of the Dead (and yes, the remake too—though in the remake Romero’s amusing point about American zombies aimlessly wandering in malls seemed lost. On the other hand, the effects were better and it had chainsaws), the zombie special effects have come a helluva long way in the decades since. The visuals are great, and often striking, especially for a television show not put on by HBO and not sporting a huge budget. Big kudos for that.
And then there is the drama. This show has some serious conflict. At one point a husband is staring through a riflescope at his undead wife, wanting to shoot her and put her down, but unable to pull the trigger because he loves her. The sheriff hero is trying to find his wife and son—a wife who believes the hero is dead and who is now romantically involved with the sheriff’s old partner (who may or may not have abandoned him for zombie food in the hospital when all the shit hit the fan). Also, there’s a racist bastard who is a clear threat to the continued survival/stability of the group—but is it ethical to leave the guy handcuffed on a rooftop in the middle of a zombie-swarmed wasteland? I say yes, but then again I’m a bit of a bastard myself. Oh, and racist guy’s brother, who is effective at icing zombies, is rather pissed his bro was left chained to the rooftop in Zombie Town and is hair-trigger erratic. Again, lots of character conflict, which really gives added depth and tension to the story.
There’s a small bit of typical horror movie stupidity, but not much. The most egregious is how the camp of survivors simply exists in the woods without said survivors taking any precautions against a sudden onslaught of the zombie horde…precautions such as digging trenches. I’m a big fan of trenches—cheap, simple, and effective. When the zombies eventually show up (as we know they will) the scene is all rampant chaos because it is night and the zombies are in amongst the tents. But that’s okay Post Apocalyptic Survivor People, don’t listen to me about the ten-foot trenches to slow those walkers down. Ignore my most excellent palisade idea. Because, you know, you’re only in the forest during the zombie uprising and there’s plenty of wood available to make a fence so a zombie just doesn’t show up in your tent at midnight, unannounced, to eat your face.
And yes, those italics were necessary.
Still, The Walking Dead is definitely worth a watch, and I’m really looking forward to the next season. At the time this post was written October 8th, 2011, I have only 8 more days to wait to resume my trek with these characters through a post-apocalyptic zombie-infested wasteland.
Oh, and as a little bonus and in the tradition of hallowed exploitive literary mash-up parodies everywhere, I give you:
Fire and Zombies by Robert Frost (Sort of)—the NEW UnCut Undead Version
Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in zombies.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of flesh-eating walking dead
To say that for destruction zombies
Are also great
And would suffice.
The original (and far better) poem can be found here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fire_and_Ice_(poem)
(WARNING: The original does not contain references to zombies. This mash up was done in the space of 0.3 seconds using Find and Replace and thus contains 0.3% of the USDA recommended dose of Artistic Merit. If one so desires, one can insert the word zombies into a great many notable poems, sonnets, or even haiku. An uncredited Internet rumor claims English professors especially love this.)
Keith Melton can be found here: http://www.keithmelton.wordpress.com prepping his Official Zombie Escape Plan, which likely involves hiding in a tank, bourbon, shotguns, and anti-zombie psy-op T-shirts that read: “No Brains In This Body!”
Nothing perks up my day like a dose of Keith Melton wit, no laugh track required. 
In honor of his love for badass zombie television, were offering up a $10 gift certificate to Amazon to help one lucky winner buy some zombies of their own. To enter, leave a comment letting us know if you’ve watched The Walking Dead. If so, do you like it? If not, has Keith talked you into wanting to see it?
And don’t forget to enter to win one of the 30 copies of Demon Bait that are up for grabs this month! Every comment on every post during the month of November counts as an entry for the grand prize – a $200 gift certificate to Amazon for the purchase of a Kindle Fire or a whole lot of ebooks.
Categories: All Posts, Contests · Tags: Apocalyptathon 2011
I haven’t watched Walking Dead cause honestly not a huge zombie fan. The ads didn’t really get my interest and I probably won’t be giving it a try, even after reading Keith’s very entertaining post [I can picture him yelling at the screen "Just build the darn trench!!"]
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@Lisa,
Yes, I do yell at the TV for both sports losses and wins and rampant character stupidity.
It scares the poor cat and then I get reproachful looks from everyone in the house.
ROFL!!!! I always adore Keith and his writing slays me (insert obligatory laugh here)!
I have NOT watched The Walking Dead–being extremely sensitive to visual suggestion, I can only imagine the difficulty I would have sleeping if I were to peek at an episode, much less watch the series. Yep, call me “chicken”… “Bok, bok!”
@Fedora
I hate to tell you this, but the show is rife with zombie chickens…
Okay, I’m lying. But still…
I started to watch The Walking Dead but due to the time of day it was put on here in the UK I couldn’t always catch it (too tired) so I missed out on too many epsiodes and gave up.
I must say I loved Keith’s comment about the trench or palisades as that is one of the most sensible ideas I’ve heard in a long time in combatting zombie attacks
(the other being my son’s use of a fireaxe to cut of legs, zombie minus legs equals no moving lol)
@Ilona
The fireaxe idea is good. And an axe is one of the most handy weapos. Log splitting. Zombie head splitting. Zombie limb chopping. Dramatic fire fighter/The Shining poses.
Good times.
I have not watched this but I’m going to have to start watching it. I love watching zombie movies. My fave is Zombieland.
@Amy S.
I love Zombieland.
LOVE.
Although I was writing about a zombie clown in The Zero Dog War about the time that movie came out and had to change it to a zombie mime instead.
So there’s that.
I absolutely love The Walking Dead; that show hooked me since day 1! There are several story lines and each one is interesting. And the characters…there is one who I found “questionable” during season 1; now he’s my favorite.
Great, great show!
@Tracey D
Which one is he?
I’ve grown rather fond of Daryl, the kickass redneck who is ten thousand times better than his brother.
This is a series I somehow keep managing to miss, despite it starring the lovely Andrew Lincoln. I think I need to invest in the DVD’s.
Indeed.
I’m going to try to catch The Walking Dead. It’s just that The Amazing Race is on that the same time, a show I love. Zombie reads are new to me and so are movies.
I’ve never seen The Amazing Race. I yell at reality TV shows even more than I yell at people behaving stupidly in horror movies.
I love the Walking Dead, though I just got into it. I watched season 1 straight through on Netflix a couple of weeks ago. But alas, I have no TV, so I have not figured out how to catch up on the rest of it.
So sad!
A plus side of seeing it on DVD/Netflix: no commercials and a pause button.
LOL! Great post
And I LOVE Walking Dead! It’s an awesome show that has great suspense along with character drama.
smaccall AT comcast.net
@SarahM
I completely agree.
KEITH…I wondered when you were going to show up here!!!We’ve been watching Walking Dead at our house since the first episode last year. I agree completely with you, though I’ve had more than a few EWWW moments. Remember last year when they covered themselves in zombie entrails. Yeah…big ick factor. I’ve heard the graphic novel is excellant, and more detailed. It sounds like they did change some things, but still kept the basic plot.
@Brenda
HA! Yes, the zombie entrails thing was good. I mean, in the abstract, since I wouldn’t be eager to douse myself with that stuff.
The show is far more gory than I expected for television, but the effects are great.
I’m not a big zombie person so I haven’t watched Walking Dead yet but I might give it a try now
@Stephanie
The drama in Walking Dead is better/more prevalent than in the majority of zombie movies. You might like it, but it can be pretty intense if you’re not into the whole undead cannibal corpse thing, which I am, but ONLY in movies/shows. In real life I don’t approve of zombies.
I got hooked on it last season, and have so far only seen the first two episodes for this season. Have it on my dvr, and it might make a fun Thanksgiving Day marathon.
@Cathy
I haven’t been as pleased with this season. Far fewer zombies and the story arcs are trending just a little too long. It seems to be sagging a bit, last few episodes. Still enjoying it though.
I haven’t watched Walking Dead. I don’t think we get it here.
@chey
It’s worth a glance if you find it.
I live in Holland, and this show is not on tv here yet. But knowing my boyfriend, he will watch it as soon as it is here. Me, I’ll be hiding upstairs with a book without zombies …
@aurian
LoL.
Haven’t seen The Walking Dead yet, but after Keith Melton’s rousing endorsement, I may take a peek to see what it’s like. First I need to find it here.
@Nancy
If you like zombies even a little bit, you’ll probably enjoy the show.
I haven’t watched this show yet, but after reading all the comments, it is definitely going to get watched in my house.
@JeanP
Right on. =D
Yes, I definitely watch TWD. I LOVE it! I enjoy the action as well as the heightened emotions. Can’t believe Shane’s actions this season though I LOVE that he’s shirtless quite a lot lately.
joderjo402 AT gmail DOT com
@Joder
I find Shane fascinating. That thing he did to Otis…that was cold.
I haven’t seen The Walking Dead but I love Keith’s Zombie Escape Plan!
@Susan
^_^
I figure that plan is pretty much flawless.
I have the whole series on DVR but I haven’t had time to watch yet. We plan to watch 2 or 3 episodes a week to get caught up!
@Jen B.
When I have any series on DVD or DVR that I enjoy I end up staying up waaaaay too late telling myself “Just one more episode…”
Then I have to sleep under the employee break room table the next day to catch up on my beauty rest.
I love it!! My sister DVR’d it, and I was like, yeah, I’m so not going to like this, and now I’m hooked, lol!! We play catch up on Sundays…and yeah, I keep wondering what the hell are we going to do when this happens? Yeah, I read and watch WAY too much fiction, lol
@Melissa
It is impossible to read and watch way too much fiction.
In fact, I need to find me some hedge fund billionaire to *pay* me to read and watch way too much fiction. That’s a good job.
Sorry, not a fan of zombie so haven’t seen any movies or read any books yet. But I’ve heard some good recommendations and would certainly want to try a couple of movies and books sooner or later.
tamsyn5(at)yahoo(dot)com
@Tamsyn
Yeah, zombies generally have a face only a zombie mother or a gleeful horror fan could love.
And they smell bad. So that’s two strikes.
And they are hungry. So…that’s three strikes.
I have not watched THE WALKING DEAD. We don’t get it here. Certainly looks interesting though.
marypres(AT)gmail(DOT)com
Have not watched but keep hearing that the show is interesting. Not into gore or horror so not going to watch.
I have watched one episode with the hubby who is a die hard fan. I have not yet been converted as a fan but will watch it again. Everyone is really into this show and I feel so left out of conversations because of not watching it. And I’m a big fan of Kieth and his books!! Xoxo
Oops drmgrl99atyahoodotcom
@Dawn
^_^
It’s harder to get into if you don’t watch it from the start because the characters grow on you. Stronger characters and longer character arcs are one of the reasons this show stands out a bit from the typical zombie apocalypse movie.
LMAO ok he was fkn funny! lol I’ve never seen the show but it sounds like it might be interesting to check out.
KittyKelly
@KittyKelly
You should definitely check it out!
Haven’t watched it as I don’t watch any 5v. However, I loved the one book. By Keith that I read.
@Louise
Awww. <3
HUGE TWD fan! Was even telling my husband we should pay to get someone to do zombie make-up on our family for our next Family Photo to put in our Christmas card because we’re The Walkers. Get it? Okay, I’m as bad as Keith.
But admit it fans of TWD… that’d be cool right? ;D
Hate how short the seasons are on this show, that’s my only beef. The zombie makeup is sooo well done. The plot has moments where I hate it but overall the desperation and frustration the survivors live with makes me keep coming back for those sparse moments of hope.
@Rhianna
That…is…AN AWESOME IDEA!!!!!
God, I love that family photo idea.
Yeah, the short seasons are annoying and the plot sometimes stumbles, but it’s better than The Astro Zombies M3 Cloned (don’t ask).
I’ve watched a few episodes on DVD since so many people like the show. I was actually bored and gave up on it.
@Anne
But… but… zombies!
Oh well. I wouldn’t recommend season 2 if season 1 bored you. ^_^
I’ve never watched The Walking Dead but it sounds great and I’ve been meaning to check it out! I love this blog post, especially the edits to the poem!
@Myranda
Literary mash-ups. All the rage… two years ago.
Oh I definitely watch the show, and I LOVE it!! I don’t get channel AMC so I watch it on my computer and there’s no way I would miss an episode! Love it!!!
@Julie
Good deal. Have you seen the web episodes? I have yet to check them out, but I think that concept of extra story material available online is great.
I’ve never seen it, and to be honest hadn’t even heard of it. I am now interested, but am unsure if I really really want to see it because zombies are not usually my thing. I’m going to have to really think about this though.
@Andrea
Yeah, if zombies aren’t on your top ten list of great monsters I might give it a pass. It’s more complex than some of the standard zombie flicks because of the longer story/character arcs.
I’ve not seen it, but have heard bunches about it. Am thinking about renting, though….
@Chelsea
You should give it a go, imho.
Haven’t seen it yet but might have to find the first episode to check it out.
@Pamk
Let me know what you think. I was hooked early, but then again I watched Killer Clowns from Outer Space.
AWESOME POST! I love, love, love the Walking Dead. Have been watching it since Day 1. Sometimes, I do yell at the TV b/c like Keith said, they do some asinine things in terms of basic safety. Trenches, scaffolding… hell, sleep in the trees! Also, some of the drama is getting a bit soapy but, hey, can’t kill zombies all the time. I’m getting really annoyed at Andrea, Dale should just kick her to the curb, and I’m really loving Darryl. I totally geek out when it comes to this show, so thanks for a wonderful post!
@erinf1
Love the sleep in trees idea. Fortified tree houses–the wave of the zombie future.
Yeah, some of the drama this season has been a trifle soap opera-ish. I’m waiting for an Evil Twin to show up.
LOL! Great post. I must admit I hadn’t thought about trenches as a defence mechanism, but it works. My immediate thought would have been far more violent and include what household tools and DIY equipment could have been used. Needless to say, no, I am no longer allowed near the nail gun. Or the chainsaw. There’s a distinct possiblity I’m not allowed near the cutlery drawer either.
I love The Walking Dead, but haven’t started watching the new season yet (its saved on the DVR). The hubs keeps making excuses for us to wait. He has serious issues with scary if zombies or ghosts are involved. Shhh…don’t tell him I told you that though LOL
My Daughter is a big fan of zombies, I will have to tell her about it.
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